I think I've mentioned that I'm re-writing the novel I wrote for my first NaNoWriMo. I started out with low expectations, since I think my self-confidence was at its lowest ebb at the time, and I absolutely hated most of the book. Since then, I've grown to love this new version of the same story. The changes that have happened, almost without my realizing it, are fantastic.

My main character is wonderful; she's no longer your typical Bad-a** female protagonist. She's also not quite as whiny as she was at first. She's a genuinely lonely, scared young woman who eventually takes on a leadership role that's thrust upon her and turns out to be a pretty bad-a** leader with mad street cred. She's becoming something like how she was when I first created her; independent, crafty, tough and street-wise. But it's a hard process, getting to that point. So far she's been horribly sick, kidnapped, and drugged. Soon she'll become addicted to morphine, and after that, who knows? Somehow she ends up as the crazy character she's meant to be.

Other than her changes, the story has been pretty much the same. One of my characters is more insane; the whole tone of the story is a little darker. I like it. It's not the light-hearted kid's book it was when I first wrote it. It's still Young Adult fiction, but not all kiddish and simple like it was. It's evolved, and I love it.

My concentration has been a bit divided lately. I've been focusing on reading a lot, ever since I got a library card, and I've been trying to write more, and I've been exploring the single life. So forgive me if some of my posts are random, rambling, incomprehensible, or any combination of the three. It doesn't help that most of them will probably be written late at night, when my mind isn't quite where it should be, and I've been awake later than I ought to have been. Thankfully I will be done with school soon, and I will have more free time to write, and update my blog. Don't think I've abandoned you, readers, for I have not.

Fare well.

- Aimee

This year, my interest in theater has taken a huge step forward. I was never very interested in theater until last year. I enjoyed watching plays and musicals, sure. And I had the occasional desire to actually be up on stage. Now that I've been taking an acting class, my spark of interest has turned into a flame. Not a roaring fire, but a flame nonetheless.

It's really fun to take on the part of a new person. For instance, in my final project I get to play a school teacher who, once she has been wrongfully accused of being a lesbian, begins to think that the accusation is correct and ultimately commits suicide after confessing her love for her best friend. I'm not the most touchy-feely person, unless I am very comfortable around someone, and I'm definitely not the type to just confess my love for someone so openly. So playing this part is going to be a challenge. Still, it's just fun to NOT be myself for a while.

I'm also required to see two plays for the class. Required is sort of a strong word, though, since I'd love to see them even if I didn't have to (except for the one starting next week, because it has 'adult situations and language' in it, which weirds me out). I also may get to see Macbeth this month, which is very exciting for me! So far I've only seen Midsummer Night's Dream at a high school level, and though it was impressive for high school level, I can't wait to see Shakespeare at a college level. I'm really looking forward to it.

What I'm really looking forward to is actually being on stage, though. I'm pretty sure I'd be good at it, based on my experiences in the class. I may not be perfect at it, since I have very little experience actually acting on stage, but I like to think I'd at least be okay at it. And I can only get better as I do it more, right?

But for now, dear readers, I think my dreams of being on stage have to wait, at least for a little while. It's growing late, and I have school in the morning. Plus, I've just taken up an entire post talking about theater. Not that any of you mind, I'm sure. I'll be going to bed soon, and waking up much earlier than I'd like. So, Good night.

- Aimee

Early morning thoughts

Apparently, I have a lot on my mind. It's three in the morning, and I'm suddenly wide awake, after four hours of sleep. Maybe I've been over sleeping lately.

Or maybe, I'm just too happy to go to sleep.

I'm guessing that's the case.

Either way, I think I'll take advantage of this time and write. I've been re-writing the first novel I wrote for NaNoWriMo, and so far it's turning out great. It's got a whole new feel to it, and I love it! Several of the characters have taken on new personalities, or maybe just more... pronounced personalities, and my main character is becoming more defined. It's been really fun, so far.

- Aimee

Characters = Real life?

So, I'm starting to realize that art really does imitate life. I'm sure I've mentioned before my issues with female characters. It's hard to find the right balance between heroic, tough, and independent and feminine, sweet, and fragile. If you waver too far to one side of the fine line, you end up with, you guessed it, a Mary-Sue. And no one wants that.

But I'm starting to see the same issue in my own life. I can't seem to find the balance between being an out-doorish, video-gamer, nerd, who's literally 'one of the guys', and the feminine, dress-wearing and make-up wearing girl who sometimes rises to the surface. Under the right circumstances, it's really fun to be one of the guys. I really enjoy playing ultimate Frisbee, swapping jokes and otherwise proving that I can hold my own against any guy. I could probably, Probably, beat up most of my male friends. But at the same time, I also enjoy being the only girl, the one who's wearing a dress and not trying to prove something.

It's a weird situation...

Though apparently there IS a balance. Guys like girls who play video games, and like action movies. But they also like girls who aren't constantly trying to prove that they can run faster, or whatever.

Oh well...

I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.

And when I do, I will have discovered the perfect formula for a female character.

I will then let you in on the secret.

Until then, readers!

- Aimee

Hello, Readers.

Forgive my absence. Life has taken some, while not unexpected, very unpleasant turns as of late. The last two months have been months of completely no inspiration, and little motivation. Dark weeks indeed, to have drained me of inspiration.

Thankfully, my inspiration is slowly coming back to me. I have begun writing once again, and, you, Readers, will hopefully be seeing more posts from me. Do not think I have abandoned you, dear Readers.

In the last few weeks, I have begun several stories anew. My first novel, the one I wrote for the '09 NaNoWriMo, is in the process of being completely re-written. That's right, completely. With a few flow for the plot, and maybe a few deaths, as suggested by one of my friends. I am going to focus a little bit more on developing who the main character is BEFORE she catches a horrendous disease, so that the changes she undergoes are more obvious to the reader. When the reader is sure that she's a snarky, sarcastic, pessimistic loner-type character to begin with, they will definitely notice when she begins opening up to people and thinking a bit more positively.

Aside from that one, I'm working on another re-write of a story that has been a work in progress for years. I have the title worked out, and at least some of the plot. Most of the characters are developed, at least in part. I'm looking forward to seeing how things go.

Thank you for putting up with my absence, Readers. I promise, I'll try to update at least semi-regularly from now on.

Lottsa luv,

- Aimee

Hey, Readers.

I realize it's been a very long time since I've cared to update my blog. There are a number of reasons for that, but I won't go into detail about them. Ultimately, this is not a blog about my personal life (though I may slip a lot of that into my posts). This is a blog about my writing, and my struggles with that. So, to get back on topic.

Here's a poem I wrote just a minute ago! I hope you like it!

I Want to See

By Aimee

---

I want to live my own life
I want to make my own mistakes.
I want everyone to take a huge step back
And let me face my own heart-aches.
I want to learn what I’m supposed to learn
I want to face the demons in my past.
I want to write my story for everyone to read.
I want to make a contribution that will last.
I want to help everyone who needs it.
I want to love the one who needs me most.
I want to protect the people weaker than me.
I just want someone to hold me close.
I want to let myself believe in love
I want to forget so many things.
I want to force myself into the world
I want to cut myself from my strings.
I want to tell the world who I am...
I want the world to see the real me...
I want to fling myself into open space.
I want to see. I want to see.